Identity: Our Biggest Liability

Jul 13, 2019

Did you know that “I am” is identity language? That simple statements such as “I am so stupid” get picked up by our core selves and treated as if absolutely true? Learn ways which Identity is an unintentional liability, how to make it a powerful asset instead.

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This post is a continuation of the ideas started in Identity: Our Greatest Asset. To recap, here are some of the key ideas previously covered.

It is the role of Identity to inform us of Who We Are. This includes ideas such as: what we’re allowed to do, who we should associate with, what ideas are acceptable to claim, which jobs are accessible to us, what roles we need to play in our culture/society, and much more.
Identity is so deeply rooted in our psyche that its power cannot be overestimated. People will kill to protect it, and it can provide the ability to survive otherwise devastating situations. I’ll say again, the power of Identity CAN NOT be overstated. However much power you think this has, triple it. Quadruple it even.
Identity is deep. Rooted. Embedded. A CORE concept. That means it’s not fully within the waking mind’s ability to control or even recognize the full extent of what is really hidden within this area of ourselves.
Identity is not any one thing. Beyond the concept of “Me”, there is no single idea which contains all the pieces of identity. Imagine your idea of who you are is held up by structural scaffolding, placed there piece by piece as you grew up. Each piece of scaffolding is a single aspect of identity. I used examples such as gender, race, nationality, religion, etc. to illustrate that each one of these has elements of identity, and when you stack together the entire pile of them then that’s when you start to see the biggest picture.
Identity is so core that if something happens to shatter our idea of Who We Are, even in part, it can be psychologically devastating. Sometimes called a Crisis of Faith, or a Dark Night of the Soul (or Ego, as the case may be), this is a time where everything we thought we knew about ourselves, the world, how it all worlds, everything, is called into question. Remember the scaffolding idea in which each board is a different aspect of what we’ve chosen to live by? Breaking even a part of that scaffolding can be scary, terrifying, and unsettling. Now imagine how damaging it would be to have the entire foundation kicked out.
For every little piece of identity that exists, there’s at least one story that goes with it, usually more. These stories inform you what is and is not acceptable, expected, right and proper. The identity name is like a shorthand to invoke the guidance it represents. The exercise included in the last post was to play a game in which you list out as many identities as you can, and from them list the stories. The more you know about these underpinnings of your perspectives and perceptions of the world, the better you’ll be able to start intentionally using these.
It goes without saying that when you have hundreds of stories underpinning things, they won’t always agree with or even corroborate each other. They will conflict, they DO conflict. For the most part, we don’t notice this because we’ve figured out how to make them work together for us. This is usually highly individualistic, so your full reconciliation is unique to you. Having those conflicts pointed out tends to make people uncomfortable and when you find this discomfort in yourself it becomes yet another tool that you can consciously use to learn more about what makes you tick.

Now that the basic concepts which were covered previously have been reviewed, let’s delve a little deeper into the idea that identity can be as much of a liability as it can be an asset. The conclusion previously was that identity can been a major asset if it’s consciously and intentionally worked with. While that sounds like a simple concept, it’s deceptively difficult. Why? Recall point #3 — where all the various pieces of identity are so deeply rooted as be intertwined with the very core of us. It’s not so easy to just claim something and make it happen. If that were the case, positive mantras would get a lot more traction.

In the last post, I used my friend as the example in which he embraced a new identity of “I am someone who goes to the gym regularly.” What I didn’t mention is that he was able to leverage this new aspect of identity being embraced with one which was ALREADY active for him. He was taking a piece of identity already present and expanding it to include a new aspect. He is prior service military and loved being a soldier, so I am a Soldier is very much an active identity for him. When he worked bring in I am one who goes to the gym, he was actually leaning on the soldier to do it – because soldier’s have to remain fit if they are to serve. Indeed, he has the military PT specs readily available and would reference them after workouts to see just how he did. So yes, he definitely embraced a new identity, but he did it by leveraging one which was ALREADY present.

Would he have had the same success without that? Unless he found a new already present aspect to work with as a foundation, it would likely have been much harder. Most definitely possible, but more challenging. Embracing new identity isn’t as simple as just stating it to be case. Some aspect of you has to see where it fits. And this is where the liability part of identity begins to really come into play.

Did you happen to the notice phrasing “I am” mentioned several times above? This is identity language, and it’s used in all kinds of instances where the power of the statements isn’t typically full recognized. For me, this was most recently illustrated when discussing the concept of self-limiting beliefs. These are ideas that we have about ourselves which actually hold us back from achieving our full potential. What are some examples?

I am too old/young.
I am too fat/out of shape.
I am not smart/experienced enough.

As I was listening to these and the stories people were sharing, it suddenly struck me that these are not simply beliefs, but rather they are far more powerful than that. These are identities. By holding them, believing them, strengthening them every time they are said or thought, then we are setting our entire subconscious mind loose to help us reinforce and bolster them through experience and observation. Every aspect of our non-conscious psyche is guided by identity. Until you start to actively and intentionally confront the functioning aspect, the sub-conscious self, you have no idea just how powerful it truly is. Imagine that the flow of energy which makes up the entirety of you is a raging river. Our identities, the entire gestalt of them, forms the river walls which help channel that torrent into a specific direction. Your conscious intention is rather like you trying to wade into that flooded river and expecting that your presence will be enough to alter the course of it. Just as that wouldn’t work with a real flooding river, it won’t work with the core energy of you either. You’d need more help.

Consider for a moment taking one of these statements which seems so obvious to you. For me, it used to be “I am not worthy of getting a good job.” Because that identity formed the channel through which moved all of the energy that I am capable of, did this play out? Was this true? You better believe it. When it did stop being true? When I started to look at things differently, when I finally opened my eyes and began to see things which I thought were a matter of course were actually unique to me and valuable. Is that my identity now? No. But, and this is important, it’s still a part of me. These never really go away, nothing learned fully ever gets un-learned, but it can RElearned and new paths laid down to bypass the old channels. But everything you ever are or were remains with you. Knowing that can help you be aware of what situations might trigger old patterns you are consciously walking away from.

When you want to make changes to this river of you, you have to leverage what’s already there and actively, patiently alter it through repition, intention, awareness and desire. Simply saying something, even using the powerful “I am” identity isn’t enough by itself. Leverage it wherever possible by attaching the new idea onto something already there — just my friend attached gym use to soldier. In my case, I leveraged personal experience to prove an idea was wrong. Every time I find that old idea being activated, I pause and reconfirm the proof. It gets easier with time and reiteration.

Not sure if a statement is an identity? Try rephrasing it. For example: “My identity of being too old/young/fat/out-of-shape disallows me from pursuing this” or “is the reason I can’t/can do something.” Go through your personal list and try it out.

I am X which means I can’t do Y.
I am X which means I can only do Y.

The exercise for this episode is to seriously consider your own self-limiting beliefs/identities. No censorship, no judgement. Just list them out. The next part is the see if you can restructure your statement into an obvious identity statement, as I gave you the examples just above. Doing so will make it more obvious and easier to pick up on moving forward. You likely won’t get them all in the first sitting, more will pop up over time. That’s fine. That’s GREAT actually, because it means you’re ready to start facing them.

Remember that each identity carries a story. What story comes to mind when you say one of those ideas you listed?

Almost every “I am” statement is actually a statement of Identity. What “I am” are you claiming? Is that what you WANT to claim? Convert this liability into an asset – go from being unaware that the powerhouse that IS you is working to confirm ideas which get in the way of your stepping up and instead become very aware that every single time you use the phrase “I AM” … what are you really saying? What energy are you invoking with those thoughts? Are those thoughts and intentions ones that you actively WANT to bring forth? And be very aware that when you claim something like “I am a job seeker” the subconscious mind will take that as meaning “I am a person who seeks jobs”, not that you are a person who likes to work or is whatever profession you are. Just be aware of the larger picture regarding what I AM you choose to embrace.

The goal is do what we can to bring the full power and might of the whole subconscious mind, or that river from the analogy, to help us achieve what we’re really capable of. Much easier to work with energy moving in the direction we want, rather than having to fight ourselves.

With all the discussed assets and liabilities in mind, seriously consider: Who ARE you?

Video

Video is now also available through the YouTube Channel. The background during the speaking portion is a close-up of my 75 gallon freshwater planted tank at feeding time, so it’s relaxing and still fun to watch.