My Ayahuasca Journey

Jan 22, 2025

In February 2024, I finally embarked on an ayahuasca journey. I had spent months researching to find a safe, experienced facilitator and a supportive group environment. My intention was clear: to heal ancestral trauma I might have overlooked.

In preparation, I adhered to the traditional diet and practices, ensuring my intentions were clear and focused. To familiarize myself with altered states, I also underwent a medicalized ketamine treatment beforehand. This helped me understand how my body and mind might respond to such experiences. Yet, I anticipated that ayahuasca would be fundamentally different because it is a plant medicine. Ketamine felt chemical, clinical — a dead messenger in comparison. Ayahuasca, rooted in the earth, is a living messenger with its own energy and intentions. Now having experienced both, I can definitively say the difference is quite profound.

On my way to the retreat, I spoke with my parents, asking them about our family history, their memories growing up of their grandparents and parents, relationship dynamics, events, the whys of things, etc. I wanted to consciously bring any overlooked potential trauma to the surface, setting the stage for what I hoped would be an epic healing on this two-night journey.

Night One: Codes and Upgrades

The ceremony began. I drank the first dose, lay down, and put on my sleep mask, ready to surrender to whatever the experience brought. As the medicine took hold, I had a single vivid vision: I saw my chest cavity open, lined with tiny blocks covered in squiggly symbols. Little beings climbed in on tiny ladders, carrying more blocks.

The message that came to mind was clear: “We’re adding new codes.”

Then it faded. No wild visuals, no conversations with other-dimensional beings, not even a sense of motion. Just me, breathing and listening to the music. Fortunately, no nausea either! I spent the rest of the night singing along internally, enjoying the beautiful music, and just being present.

Around me, others sobbed, laughed, and purged — each deeply immersed in their own journeys. At one point, I had to use the restroom, and on the way back, I couldn’t help but notice the contrasting ways the men and women were experiencing their journeys. Every woman was lying down, sleep mask on, fully immersed, oblivious to everything. In contrast, every man was unmasked, alert, and watchful, most of them sitting up, even as they underwent their own experience. Part of me marveled at the unspoken interplay — whether they realized it or not, the men’s steady presence and vigilance seemed to create a sense of safety that allowed the women to surrender so completely. It was a beautiful dynamic to witness. The next day, I commented on it, thanking the men for their care, however unintentional. The surprise on a few faces was unmistakable.

As this first night came to a close, I was disappointed that all I got was a single short-lived visual and a message about codes. So I asked myself: “Why didn’t anything profound happen for me?” The answer came softly: “You’ve done more healing than you think.”

That was it. Simple. Quiet. I later realized that the tiny blocks in my vision were cells, and the squiggles were DNA. Those tiny little beings? I learned even later that they were viruses because I had a full blown cold (though minor) by the time I got home. Viruses, after all, are one way new DNA is introduced into an organism. It was a literal addition of new codes. I just had to laugh when I finally understood the bigger picture.

Night Two: Trust and Letting Go

The second night, I hoped for a more expansive experience. Alas, I was vastly disappointed on that score. There were no visions at all, no colors — nothing. When the facilitator offered me a second dose, I reached for it, but a knowing interrupted – a voice without voice:

“Don’t take it. If you do, you’ll purge, and I need to stay with you. There’s more work to do.”

Alright, I was game. I trusted the message and declined the final dose. I spent the rest of the evening just mentally singing along, simply being present, and open to the experience – as before. I did experience some mild nausea, but nothing like I was hearing and indeed I never purged. Near the end of the evening, I’ll admit I was overall disappointed with what I was perceiving as the lack of experiences. After all, I had wanted my mind blown and maybe even to see the scaffolding of the universe! In frustration, I internally asked “What was the point of this?” Immediately, a soft bluish-white glow came into my mind’s eye so clearly that I had to check that my sleep mask was still on. The glow was coming from beneath me, and I looked down to see a shimmering circle of light at my feet, like looking into a lit well. Gazing into the glow with wonder, understanding came with it: This entire journey was about strengthening the connection between the Ego Self and the Soul Self.

I wish I could say that it has since evolved into becoming psychic or a medium or something like that, but no. Nothing so dramatic. Just some flashes of understanding as I listen to other podcasts and watch the world unfold.

The ceremony was called to a close, and we were bedding down for the night. Just as I was drifting off, a new experience began to take shape. I found myself in a small cave made of wet, slippery clay. Naked, my body was covered in a thin layer of the clay as I crouched, working it with my hands. The space felt solitary, yet not entirely alone — other time streams seemed to flow through, revealing fleeting glimpses of people who were both present and absent.

As I molded the clay, prayers drifted through the space. I rejected a few until finally saying, “I can work with that one.” The observer part of me noticed something important: I dismissed the prayers that were too specific but welcomed the open-ended, flexible one because it gave me the space to craft something meaningful. Later, I realized the lesson this almost-dream was showing me: when I ask for something too specific, I limit the universe’s ability to respond. By leaving room for creativity and possibility, the answers can come in ways I’d never imagined.

The Message: Moving Beyond Healing

Reflecting on this journey, it wasn’t the mind-blowing, otherworldly experience that I’d expected — or the one I thought I wanted. Instead, it was subtle, almost to the point of disappointment at first. Yet, beneath that subtlety lay something profound. As time passes, I find myself appreciating it more and more. There are 2 messages that came through loud and clear:

1. I’ve healed more than I realize.
2. The Ego-Soul connection is more foundational than I ever thought it was.

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to heal, that I never really considered what might come next. If I listen to the various teachers, there is no ‘next’ — there’s just more to heal! But this journey helped me see that while this is true, it’s also not. I have addressed the major wounds in my life, the bulk of the triggers, and the issues – there will always be more! Have no doubt about that. But now I have a large toolbox when before I did not. This next phase isn’t about continuing with the personal healing path; it’s about using the tools I’ve developed and practiced and living differently, grounded in the work I’ve already done. It’s about contributing to the collective — looking beyond myself and helping others resolve and evolve as well.

During a QHHT session, I asked myself why I was so focused on healing ancestral trauma when I have no children to pass anything down to. The response came back: every time a person heals, a new template is created. A new pathway becomes available and is added to the collective unconsciousness for others to draw upon. If you’ve been in this spiritual space long enough, you’ll likely have noticed that what took years now takes months, weeks, or days. Heck, sometimes it can take minutes. Those are the templates being accessed, finding the one of many possibles that fits the individual, the situation, the frequencies, and provides guidance — if not to complete resolution than at least moving in the right direction. For every wound healed, more can be healed, and healed faster.

I mention this because I’m at a point in my journey where I’m noticing things that haven’t yet reached the broader mass consciousness. I see opportunities for healing, moments that stand out to me, and when I’ve shared them here and there, I’ve been met with surprise and comments like, ‘I’ve never heard that before!’

This has left me pondering the direction of this podcast. The original goal — introducing the concept that spiritual growth and emotional maturity are intrinsically linked — has reached a kind of critical mass. I’ve been talking about this since 2012, though it’s taken years of walking the talk to truly embody it myself. Now, I’m questioning whether this podcast could be the vehicle to introduce the next round of potential upgrades. Despite my reluctance and initial hesitation, the guidance I’ve received has been a consistent, resounding yes.

So, if you’re here with me, then you’re part of this growth. You’ve likely moved beyond the Awakening phase — perhaps even navigated through your Dark Night (or Nights) — and are well into your Healing journey, wondering: What’s next? While I don’t consider myself fully qualified to answer that question in its entirety, I can offer insights, share ideas, and toss a few darts into the aether. Together, we can ask better questions, rethink old perspectives, and evolve — one insight, one template, one story at a time.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

TL;DR

Some ayahuasca journeys are subtle. Mine revealed quiet insights on upgrades, healing, and the ego-soul connection, ultimately leading to collective growth.

About the Image

This image was taken on one of the islands on Lake Titicaca on the Peruvian side in 2002. Our tour group was guided by a local Shaman and we performed a ceremony on the shores of this island. The path leading up to the village perched at the very top of the island was such a lovely construct. Having the arch way appears to invite the viewer to step out into the expansiveness of the sky, an idea which suited the theme of this post.

Audio

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, and more. Like what you hear? Share it and leave a review. It means a lot and I believe that the message of owning ourselves and our potential is what this world needs right now. When we are individually standing in our power, we have the make the real choices which lead to a better world for all. Every review and like helps others to find the message, one more voice asking others to bring forth your light!

Video

Video is also available through the YouTube Channel. The background of the video features a row of Spanish Lavender in my yard and is a major favorite of the local bees. This day was a little windy, so not sure how many bees you’ll see but the lavender in bloom is quite beautiful.

https://youtu.be/3vkGUgM8g6Q