Working Through Self-Doubts

Apr 4, 2018

Do you know what happens when you work on stepping up? Things change. Change brings with it uncertainty and new potentials. But another thing that comes up are insecurities, self-doubts, all the reasons that kept you from stepping up in the first place.

I am definitely no exception. I’ve been hitting wall after wall as I struggle to keep momentum going. Not for lack of things that I’ve learned. Oh heck no. I’ve had an anonymous blog for several years full of data that I’m mining and expanding on. The problem is that I’m struggling with self-doubts because it’s no longer anonymous. My own personal bugaboo is self-worth, worthiness, value. So I write up a post and doubts are more than whispering in my ear, they are outright screaming. This leads to procrastination, frustration and, for me, comfort eating. Yay!

Story Time

The analogy that I have long used is cleaning a fish tank. I’ve kept fish for over 30 years, and if you’ve ever cleaned a fish tank or a pond you’ll know precisely what I’m about to describe. When the cleaning process first begins, the tank might be a bit dirty but it’s not that bad. Just routine maintenance. Until you start to stir up the gravel. The moment that foundational layer gets messed with, all KINDS of junk is suddenly now floating around. Sometimes it’s so thick the fish seem to vanish! But once the process is done, the system does it’s thing and slowly the tank clears. And after a day, it looks much better than it did before. Crystal clear water and clean gravel.

Stepping up is rather like first this stirring up of the gravel. The moment you step out of the path you normally take, all kinds of crap you may not even have been aware of is suddenly in your face. And that is precisely what is happening to me right now. I’ve never done this kind of work publicly before. It was terrifying for the few weeks but I got them out there. Now I’m on iTunes and Stitcher! Suddenly it’s much more real and now all kinds personal crap is coming up that I have to deal with so that I keep moving forward. Once I’ve figured out how to deal with it, the system will adjust and things will clear up again.

But when in the middle of it, when self-doubts and personal bugaboos are making the whole idea of stepping up just plain unappealing, what do you do? How can this be productively handled?

The Point

I’ve stirred up the crap enough over the years that the process is familiar, but it’s never easy. The first thing to be done is recognize what’s going on. That’s what this post is, a reminder to myself that this is part of the deal. It’s not the most fun, but when it happens that means I’ve made progress. Let me restate that one.

When personal issues that you thought you had handled suddenly resurface after taking some new steps, that means that you are making progress. It’s a sign of success. Remember that. It could be your mantra as you work through them.

Ok. Part one is done – remember new steps stir up old junk and that’s a by-product of success. Now what? I’ve learned to listen to the voices, or the self-doubts, or whatever the issues being brought up are. This is the time when they are emotionally charged, when I am emotionally charged. To translate, I’m feeling vulnerable because I’m walking into new territory and my system is working to protect me. I have to remember that my insecurities are attempts at self-protection, so hating them or judging them will delay and undermine long term success.

In short, own them. Yes, I’m terrified that I’m telling you things you already know. Why on earth is that terrifying? “Because,” my insecurities whisper, “then I won’t be saying anything of value.” Huh. I hear you, but I also recognize that maybe there is just one person in this world who needs to hear this. That’s the one person I’m talking to. Next week it’ll be a new person that I’m talking to, the one person in the whole world who needs to hear that topic.

There’s a scene in the movie “Core”, where Tchéky Karyo’s character Serge tells the others he’s not there to save the whole world. That’s too big. He’s risking his life to save his family, just them. If he saves everyone else that’s great, but he’s there for just 3 people.

I always found that scene to be extremely inspiring and so whenever my own self-doubts come out with “everyone” or “the whole world” or anything like that, I recall this scene … which I’m not dealing with the whole world. I’m dealing with just one person. Just one.

When I can shift my perspective so that I can see just one person, rather than “everybody, suddenly those self-doubts get a whole lot quieter.

So to recap, part two is to recognize the emotions and let them have their SAY. Don’t capitulate to them, don’t go “you’re so right”, no no no. You’re listening to them. That’s it. You’re just listening. Let them speak to you. Once you’ve heard them, then you can start looking at the language that they are using and start working on how do you shift your perspective to take it out of the arena that is triggering your self-doubts and put it back into a sphere that is manageable for you. In my case, I’m everything from “everyone” to just one person.

Once the perspective is successfully shifted, I’ve found that my insecurities tend to quiet down. Then I can work on the new stuff, getting more and more comfortable until I’m ready to take the next step up. I know this bring them right back, but I can use past successes to help support me as I propel myself toward the new successes waiting for me. Remember I did say in the beginning that we’re going to be building on past successes so you have to recognize them in order to move forward.

Those perspective shifts can be inspired by all kinds of things. Personally, I’m a HUGE movie fan so almost all of my shifts and jumps are exemplified by a scene from a movie. A friend of mine finds her shift inspirations in song lyrics. Yet another in Bible verses. I don’t really care where the source of your inspiration comes from, just let it speak to you. And above all, be kind to yourself when this sort of thing happens. It’s natural, and completely normal that stepping out of our comfort zone causes personal issues to rise up. Remember, it’s a sign of success! The courageous ones, and I’m counting you in this group, keep moving forward. Even if that forward motion is just millimeters, or you pause to catch your breath. You’re one of the courageous ones. You’ve got this.

TL:DR

Stepping out of comfort zones often causes confrontation with self-doubts. The good news is that this means you’ve been successful. The better news is that you can work through it relatively easily. Here’s how.

The Audio

The Video

About the Featured Image

This is the first leg of many at the Santa Margarita Ranch zip line adventure park. Personally, I’m terrified of heights and so this first jump is always the hardest. Like facing your own self-doubts — scary at first, but there’s nothing else to do but take that first leap of faith.