Voice as a Window into Self

Apr 7, 2019

Our voice can tell us so much about ourselves, but for the most part we are wholly unaware of it. Do you want to sound more confident? Be a better presenter? Learning to master the voice is a powerful tool!

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For the last few years, I’ve been working on gaining understanding and control of my voice – everything from singing lessons to volunteer reading. Until I took Tracy Goodwin’s “Reclaim Your Real Voice and Speak Your Truth” class on Skillshare, what I didn’t quite fully grasp is just how much our own voice has to show us about where we are emotionally.

What sent me down the rabbit hole of voice was seeing her class called “Sound More Confident with Your Voice and Catapult Your Success”, also on Skillshare. I saw the class title and remembered being in a meeting in which one of my colleagues’ voice sounds perpetually confused, even when I know that she is good at her job. It was listening to her speak that first got me interested in looking into tonal quality and what information is conveyed by the way in which we choose to speak. Do I sound like I’m confused, unsure, and timid – or do I sound confident and self-assured? Maybe I sound domineering and overbearing?! But I learned through Tracy’s work that it’s not tonal quality at all, rather it’s emotional self-perception that is being expressed through our voice.

She talks about what she calls “dings” — those are the things which happen to us during life which affect us emotionally, positive and negative. Let me share a story with you to illustrate. While doing so, you think about your own stories and how those might be influencing the way in which you speak.

Story Time

When I was little, there was a song on the radio that I loved. Like, loooooooved. I’d put my headphones on and sing just as loudly as I could, completely enjoying myself. My parents thought this was adorable, and for years afterward (even now) bring it up as something cute and funny. How much I loved to sing, even though I sounded horrible. What I heard and took to heart as only “I sound horrible”. This was a major ding for a little kid, and it was a contributing factor in my quiet speaking voice. I’ve worked hard to own that it’s ok to speak loudly, my voice isn’t actually that terrible if I’m not singing. But it’s been a conscious effort.

One of the statements Tracy made was that the voice is the orchestra of the heart, and that our speaking voice is connected to our hearts. If we assume that this is true, it changes how I view speaking to other people because it means that by opening my mouth to speak I am also making myself vulnerable to them. Another way of putting it is: when you open your mouth, you are opening your heart. Do you see the connection then between speaking and emotional vulnerability?

Think of those times when you speak very quietly, hoping to not be heard/seen, even if you think you want to be heard/seen. Or those times when you rush through everything you want to say without a breath so you can get it out there as fast as possible and thus reduce the amount of vulnerability felt. Do you tend to speak more quietly or quickly in some situations but not others? Or perhaps to some people but not others? Or perhaps you use the question tones when making a statement, to soften what you are saying and give yourself an out. Or maybe you find yourself shouting at everyone, using your voice to dominate the room and over-ride dissent or waylay alternative opinions.

If the statement that voice is connected to heart is indeed true, then suddenly fear of public speaking means something radically different. It’s not the fear of speaking to crowds. Rather, it’s the fear of being emotionally vulnerable to so many people at once.

The Point

Our own voice turns out to be an incredibly powerful tool for helping advance our objective of stepping up to our potential. Now that I am aware of this, I can start to pay attention to my voice as well as the words. Why did I suddenly drop volume in this meeting? Why am I speaking in a different tone to this person? In other words, what is happening to me emotionally that is causing me to react in the way that I am? Another way of looking at it is: what is happening which has me feeling vulnerable enough that I am responding in my voice?

Once we are aware of what is happening and when, then we can decide what to do about it? I’m unlikely to suddenly alter the way in which I speak to my mom, but I will be more aware of how I am speaking to my boss, colleagues and direct reports.

I am also pointing you toward Tracy Goodwin, of Captivate the Room, because she provides not only the understanding of her psychology of the voice, but also specific tools that can be used to help make our voice into a consciously used tool which can be harnessed for our betterment. After all, isn’t that what Stepping Up to Your Potential is all about?

Video

Video is now also available through the YouTube Channel. The background during the speaking portion is a close-up of my 75 gallon freshwater planted tank at feeding time, so it’s relaxing and still fun to watch.

About the Featured Image

This is one of the 2 leopards at the Houston Zoo. He was cleaning himself and then gave a little vocal show which I managed to catch on film. Thought it was a perfect image for a voice episode. See the Houston Zoo blog post on My Nerd Adventures.