Redefining Power: From Control to Collaboration

Feb 14, 2025

We are shifting from a world built on control and submission into an era of sovereignty and conscious connection. But how do we evolve without falling into chaos? Here, I explore the foundation of that evolution — my relationship with power.

If I were to ask you what the definition of Power is, what would you say? Is it control? Influence? The ability to shape outcomes? I used to think power was something external — something only certain people had: the loudest voices; the biggest personalities; the ones who made the rules while the rest of us adapted. Power was a weapon, wielded to force the world into submission.

But is that really power?

Growing up, I never thought much about it. It wasn’t a topic I had a lot of familiarity with, and I had certainly never been confronted with what it meant to truly own power — until life demanded that I do exactly that.

The Story

I was 19. My childhood dog, my companion through all the turbulence of growing up, had developed stomach cancer. She was already mostly blind and mostly deaf. It was time. I had envisioned a peaceful, loving farewell, releasing her gently into the arms of the Divine.

That is not what happened.

It turned out that I didn’t have the strength to enforce that vision with the vet. What really happened was deeply traumatizing for me, but the hardest part wasn’t just witnessing it — it was knowing that I had allowed it to happen. I had been too weak to insist, too afraid to demand better. At the very least, I could have picked her up and walked out. There are a lot of things I could have done, but my 19 year old grieving self didn’t have the internal power to do a single one of them.

I begged her spirit for another chance — to learn from my mistakes, to do better next time. Eight months later, that request was answered. Through a series of uncanny serendipities, I walked out of the animal shelter with a German Shepherd/Border Collie mix — the dog I had been seeing in my dreams. She was only six and a half months old but carried the intensity of both breeds. Smart. High-energy. Stubborn. And deeply insecure. She was a handful. She challenged me on every level.

I almost gave up. Almost conceded that I wasn’t the right kind of strong. At the time, my understanding of strength, of power, was warped. I believed power meant dominance, that stepping into it required cruelty. And that wasn’t something I was willing to do. But what other option was there? Society conditioned me – especially as a woman – to believe that power and aggression were intertwined. Women are supposed to be agreeable, not forceful. To lead from the back, not the front. I had no idea how to do this!

I was at a crossroads. And so, I asked for help.

Help arrived in the form of a dog trainer – a mother of three who understood power and leadership and relationships in ways that I did not. She illustrated perhaps the most powerful lesson:

Disempowered people resort to power-over. Because power-over is external. Real power? That comes from within.

She gave me permission to own my power — not through force, not through fear, but through presence. No anger. No frustration. No cruelty. Just the unwavering, calm expectation of being listened to. For a brief moment, I stepped into that version of myself. And my dog — who had been so ignorantly enthusiastic and hyper with insecurity — finally paid attention. A metaphorical door opened, and our relationship fundamentally shifted in that moment. She decided then that she would follow me because I had become someone worth following.

Years later, I found myself staring up at a different kind of challenge: an 1,800-pound, 17.2-hand Shire — the English version of a Clydesdale. A breathtaking horse who had spent the last eight years as a pasture ornament and had no interest in changing that. Her test? To stop walking and stare at me as if to say, “And what exactly do you plan to do about this, tiny human?”

How was I supposed to move something that outweighed me by… everything? I tugged. I coaxed. I bribed. She stood there, amused. After an embarrassingly long time, I remembered my dog trainer’s advice. I let go of all the frustration, the expectations, the doubt, the future and the past. I stood fully in the moment, in the now, aligned in intention, emotion, and action and said one word as if I meant it. “Walk.” And then we walked.

It wasn’t a magic fix that suddenly turned her into an angel, but it was the first moment in which I showed her that I was someone worth following. As with my dog, we built up from there.

The Point

Both relationships — one with a dog, the other with a horse — were built on trust, not fear. They weren’t about dominance. They were about respect, enabling us to work together. Yes, I was the leader because I understood this world in which they lived and it was responsibility and honor to ensure both they and the people we encountered were all safe.

As the years unfolded, that dog trainer’s lesson really began to sink. Over time, I came to understand: power-with is the only real power. Everything else is fear wearing a mask.

To my current understanding, there are pretty much 2 power paradigms:

• the power-over version, which is an enforced hierarchy, rooted in dominance and submission, and centers around ideas of control in which one side loses; and
• the power-with version, which is built on individual sovereignty, rooted in a shared respect, and centers around collaboration for mutual gain.

Which version do you actively recognize at this moment? Which one would you like to experience more of?

If you believe, as I do, that humanity is evolving, then you might see what I see: the power-over paradigm is breaking. The old ways — domination, force, control — are being challenged. We are moving into or are already in the early stages of the Age of Aquarius, which will never be happy in a power-over situation. Aquarius is far too individualistic, too sovereign, for that. It demands that individuals stand in their own power, aligning with their own internal truth rather than submitting to external forces.

A centralized power system where a select few dictate what the masses can be, do, or have will never work in the Age of Aquarius. That is the ultimate illusion of power-over, a system where people willingly sever their connection to self, handing their strength to those who claim to rule.

Aquarius calls for a distributed power system — one in which small, self-sovereign groups collaborate. That model requires each individual to be rooted in themselves, clear in thought and action, present and aligned. This is what it means to stand in your power.

The more those who cling to the power-over paradigm resist this inevitable transformation, the uglier this transition will be. Because power-over is fragile. It must be constantly upheld, reinforced, controlled. It cannot sustain itself.

Real power doesn’t need to control. Only fear needs that.

There’s a quote in the movie Coach Carter:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Those who cling to power-over are not yet powerful. They are terrified. Perhaps this awareness of their own genuine internal power is exactly why they cling so hard to external power. I’ve said before that the journey into the Self, which is what enabled me to clear away many false beliefs and misconceptions, requires a great deal of courage. I had to face personal failings and trauma, ancestral wounds, and cultural issues, all with the intention of re-integrating them, which is what healing is. By facing things and either letting them go as not-mine or re-owning them because they were mine but rejected, that is a hard road. It’s much easier to try to control the outside world than it is to go on this inner journey. For those who are so terrified and behaving like despots, I have sympathy for their fear which often expresses as anger.

The bully isn’t powerful. They’re terrified of being perceived as weak, most especially in their own eyes.
The tyrant isn’t powerful. They’re terrified of losing control, of feeling vulnerable.
The manipulator isn’t powerful. They’re terrified of being exposed, of being seen.

Power-over is a mask for fear. A fragile illusion that requires constant effort to maintain. True power doesn’t need to deceive, dominate, or force anything. It is presence. It is truth.

For years, I feared stepping into my power, convinced it would turn me into something I didn’t want to be. I was wrong. The only people who abuse power are the ones who don’t actually have it.

As with all stories, what has a beginning has an end. Eventually, it came time to say good-bye to that most beloved German Shepherd/Border Collie mix who taught me so much. This moment was the ultimate test of all I had learned, from her and with her and about myself. I carried her into the vet’s office, and said simply “This is what I expect. If you cannot provide that, I will find someone else who can.” There was no challenge to the blunt statement. This time, I had the strength to ensure her farewell was as peaceful and loving as I had always intended.

TL;DR

Real power isn’t control —- it’s presence, trust, and inner alignment. Power-over is fear in disguise. Power-with is the future.

About the Image

Taken at the Houston Zoo, this lion is dozing in the sun. Even a sleeping lion is nothing I would ever want to mess with. They exude power, and yes they definitely have the claws and teeth to enforce their will, but their sheer presence is enough in most cases. Seeing a lion in person, now I understand why they are called King of the Beasts.

Audio

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, and more. Like what you hear? Share it and leave a review. It means a lot and I believe that the message of owning ourselves and our potential is what this world needs right now. When we are individually standing in our power, we have the make the real choices which lead to a better world for all. Every review and like helps others to find the message, one more voice asking others to bring forth your light!

Video

Video is also available through the YouTube Channel. The background is a stand of Lupine in the new orchard/food forest in my yard. I picked this one because it’s a single tall lupine flower stalk and that seemed to fit the mood of this piece.